


Sinking & Floating

by travelingsongs



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M, I cried while writing this tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 19:24:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6437197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/travelingsongs/pseuds/travelingsongs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Isabelle never longed. She never yearned. Her heart never ached. That is, until she met Simon Lewis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sinking & Floating

On a night a long, long time ago, Isabelle had sat in her mother’s bedroom. She hadn’t known that it would change her life, she only knew that it felt nice as her mother sat behind her, brushing her smooth dark hair in quick and precise strokes. Until, she suddenly stopped, setting the brush down silently. Isabelle turned, questioningly, and saw a sight that she would never forget. Her mother was crying, silent tears streaming down her face. She couldn’t remember ever seeing her mother this despondent. Isabelle was afraid as she asked her mother what was wrong. Isabelle would never forget the broken, vulnerable look on her mother’s face as she dried her eyes and unloaded secrets and burdens so big that no child, even a Shadowhunter one, should have to hold.

For the first time, Isabelle saw the cracks in her mother’s armor that night as she told her how men would take your soul and drag it down like the sirens take men into the depths of the Atlantic. How you could give them everything you have, just to get nothing in return except an aching heart and empty hands with nothing to hold. How hearts were breakable. After that moment, Isabelle decided that she wouldn’t let herself be left vacant and wanting like her mother. She would never drown in the cold ocean waters. If anything, she would be a siren on the rock, sending a sultry song through the salty ocean air, beckoning men near. The sharp curves of the stone would keep them from getting too close to her, lest they get caught on the edges. Her hands would be empty, but she would never let her heart escape her. It would always be hers. It would always be whole.

That was her plan. And it was successful, for many years. A number of men entertained her body, but none made any impact on her heart. Any time that they got too close, when she began to feel herself go under, she would flit away, slipping through her lovers’ hands like a ribbon through a young girl’s hair. And yes, sometimes she felt like she missed one after they were, but she never truly missed them. She never longed. She never yearned. Her heart never ached.

That is, until she met Simon Lewis.

Yes, Simon Lewis. He was rather unremarkable at first glance. In fact, if someone had told Isabelle that he would capture her heart, she wouldn’t have believed them, not one bit. After all, he didn’t have the stunningly good looks, ripped muscles or chiseled jawlines, of previous lovers, nor did he have some old Shadowhunter surname that would perhaps excuse the first fact. He was just some random mundie. Brown hair. Brown eyes. Glasses. A rather annoying penchant for science fiction and puns. Really, he was nothing special. 

But as Isabelle found herself in the company of the mundane, she found it increasingly harder to believe that. There was something different about him. In his loyalty to Clary, in the way that he refused to cower in front of Jace, she could see that Simon had strength. He had nerve, and most of all, he had a kind, pure heart, something that few of Isabelle’s previous distractions had. For perhaps the first time, Isabelle found herself longing for someone. She’d sworn that she’d be a siren on the rock, staying out of the choppy ocean waters, out of men’s reach, but she’d gotten herself caught in someone’s net. 

And she hated it. She hated Simon. She hated his warm brown eyes and the way they looked at her and the way that she liked it. She hated his stupid jokes and that she found herself laughing at them. She hated his soft and gentle hands and the way that she shivered when they brushed her arm. She hated the way that he’d snuck his way past her defenses and into her heart. She hated herself for allowing it to happen. She hated the way that he made her forget all about the sound of her mother’s heartbroken voice that night, about her past oaths and promises about love. 

On a night a few years past she found herself walking to Simon’s room. She couldn’t sleep because every time that she’d closed her eyes she’d seen Sebastian’s dead-eyed soldiers ripping the world to shreds. When she cracked open his door, she half-wanted him to turn her away, but he didn’t, instead moving over in a futile to make room for her in the tiny twin bed. She’d lain beside him, hoping and praying that he couldn’t feel the rapid beating of her heart as he told her stories that she’d never heard. Eventually, she found her face laying in the crook of his neck as he ran his hands through her dark hair. 

As she fell asleep to the sound of Simon’s breathing, Isabelle tried in vain to hate how warm and safe he made her feel. She tried to remind herself that this was wrong, dangerous, but she found that she could no longer lie to herself. Because, she didn’t hate Simon, or anything about him. She allowed herself to admit the truth. That she trusted him. That she loved him. For the first time, Isabelle found that loving someone didn’t mean that she had to give her heart away. It didn’t mean that she would be left empty and wanting. 

For such a long time, Isabelle had been like a siren on a rock, beckoning men near, but never letting them close. It had kept her heart safe, but it had also kept it lonley. When Simon came into her life, like some sailor on a treacherous voyage, she’d believed that getting close to him would drive her down into the bottom of the ocean, would drown and destroy her. She couldn’t have been farther from the truth because in the end, Simon’s love didn’t drive her down into the murky depths of the sea, it brought her to the surface. It didn’t cause her to sink ; It made her float. 

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly can't remember the last time that I finished writing something, even this short, so personally I am feeling very accomplished lol. Thanks for reading!


End file.
